Today He Leaves.

The time has come. The weeks leading up to this day have been a blur. I wish I could turn back the clock and just stop time. Just for a little while longer.

The gear that was strewn across the house for the past few days, now all has a home in one of various bags. Those bags are sitting in a pile by the door, waiting.

We’re laying in bed, my head on his chest, his shirt clenched tight in my hand. Maybe, just maybe if I hold on tight enough, he won’t have to leave. I take in his scent, trying to memorize it, praying I won’t forget it.

I close my eyes, fighting tears but finally succumb to silent sobs. He holds me tighter. We lay there in silence.

We have to get up now. I really don’t want to. Just five more minutes, please? He holds my hand as we walk downstairs.

Silently, we load the bags in our car, making sure nothing is forgotten. He drives us to the flight line. I hold his hand as tight as I can, not letting go.

We get to the flight line, we unload the bags and take them where they need to be. The mass crowd of people get lost in the daze. Today is the day I’ve been dreading for months.

I hold his hand tight until they call for formation. I hear the soldiers speaking, the chaplain praying, but I can’t tell you a word that was said.

“Kiss your families. Say goodbye.”

This is it. This is the last hug, The last kiss for 9 months.

The soldiers pile into the white buses. He opens the window to wave bye. I blow him a kiss, give him a small smile. I watch as the buses drive away.

I walk back to my car, tears streaming down my face. I drive the lonely, quiet road back home. It seems so much further away now.

I unlock the door to our house. It feels so empty. I crawl into our bed and lay on his pillow. I curl up in a ball and cry.

Tomorrow I’ll be okay. Tomorrow, I’ll be strong.

But today…. Today is the day he left.

 

 

 

 

In case you were wondering what it’s like to be a military spouse, this is it. Deployments, training, time apart.

 

They Call Me Dependent Like It’s a Bad Thing

I remember when I first got married and I was going through the process of getting everything sorted out with the Army. I remember sitting in a small cubicle smiling at a  camera a couple of feet away. Then I was handed a shiny new military spouse ID. I remember how excited I was to begin this amazing new adventure with my husband.

The time came for me to make my first doctor’s appointment. I was on the phone with the appointment line and they asked for my husband’s last four to his social. I was dumbfounded. I mean, why would they need HIS social when the appointment was for me? Being a new wife, I didn’t know my husband’s social yet. Lucky for me, I had his dog tags in our bedroom to look at. From this day forward, I became aware that I really was a dependent. That my life for the next, however many years, was dependent on so many things out of my hands.

The longer I was in the military community, I realized that there was such a negative air about being a dependent. Soldiers and other women began to call us wives dependas, simply because we were proud of our husbands.

At first, it bothered me a lot. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong to be treated so unfairly. I was called names by women at the PX because I carried an ACU purse and because I wore an Army Wife hoodie that my husband bought me on our wedding night. I went home and took all my stuff out of my purse and placed it in the closet beside the hoodie. My husband asked me why I no longer used the purse or wore the hoodie. I told him about the women. He told me to ignore them. Of course, it wasn’t that easy. I was living in a new state and I wanted so badly to make friends. I thought that if I continued with the “Army Wife” stuff, that it would never happen. I thought to myself I guess you just don’t do that. 

After a while of trying to fit in with these women, I realized something. That there is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of my husband. Nothing. I had hurt my husband’s feelings by caring about what other people thought. So I dug out my “Proud Army Wife” hoodie and wore it proudly.

I am, in fact, a dependent. My husband’s job provides me with health insurance and a semi-stable life. It also gives me the amazing opportunity to travel to places I would probably never get to. That being said, I don’t claim his rank, accomplishments or his job as my own.

I do depend on my husband. But he also depends on me and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. That’s how marriage works.

 

Photo Courtesy of Tammy Sullivan of TNT Intimate Photos

 

 

 

To the Military Spouse who is Lonely This Holiday Season

It’s that time of year again. Everywhere you go, you hear Christmas music. Store windows are adorn with a chubby man in a red suit, snowflakes, and snowmen. Television stations have been broadcasting Christmas movies nonstop since Thanksgiving.

You may be dreaming of a white Christmas at home with your family, but you’re stuck with a warm, sunny one instead, hundreds, maybe even thousands of miles from your friends and family.

Maybe your spouse is deployed and you’ve left all the decorations in boxes on the top shelf of your closet. Maybe you can’t bare the thought of celebrating without them there with you. Or perhaps you put up the tree and lights and placed pretty wrapped presents under the tree, so that your children have a merry Christmas, but you don’t feel the holiday spirit.

Maybe you’re missing a big dinner surrounded by those you love and instead will be having a small one with just you and your spouse.

Or maybe the holidays just aren’t the same without the friends you’ve made and spent so many holidays with, but are now on the other side of the world from you.

No matter the reason you feel alone this Christmas, Hannukah or  New Years, I just want to tell you that you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers. It’s okay to feel this way, no matter what anyone may say. Make the best of the holidays and remember, it’s only one year. You have a lifetime more to enjoy!

Happy Holidays everyone!

PCS Tips and Tricks

 

PCS season is coming! It’s so exciting to get the opportunity to live in a new place. Moving can be super stressful, but moving with the military can be downright anxiety provoking.

This year we are PCSing for the first time. It’s been a huge learning experience for us. I’ve compiled a list of things I’ve learned, that can help make your PCS go more smoothly.

• Create a PCS binder.

Put all your PCS paperwork, important phone numbers, confirmation codes, copies of your IDs, Passports, Marriage Certificated, Social Security Cards, and Credit Cards, your personal inventory lists and pictures, the inventory list from the movers, etc. It’ll help you stay organized and know where everything is. Carry it with you on the plane or in the car. Don’t pack it with the movers.

• Make a detailed inventory list of EVERYTHING.

It’s important that you have an inventory of all your things (books, furniture, movies, CDs, blankets, kitchen appliances, etc). Write down and photograph the condition of each of your items. Just in case they get broken or damaged.

• Write down all serial numbers.

Be sure to have all serial members documented and which item it goes to, just in case they get lost or stolen during the move.

• Scan all important documents, instruction booklets, warranties, etc for everything, as well as family pictures.

This will help you stay organized and know exactly where all your important papers are. You never know what could get lost or ruined during a move.

• Put all your silverware in a large baggie.

That way you don’t have to worry about losing a spoon or a butter knife and having an incomplete set.

• Put DVDs in sleeves instead of cases. 

We have a TON of DVDs. I’m talking close to a thousand. Those cases add up in weight and take up a lot of space. So instead, we put them in sleeves that allow us to put the case artwork in it.

 

• Put earrings and rings in pill containers and necklaces in straws. 

This is a great way to keep your jewelry organized and protected. For the necklaces, just string the chain through the straw and clasp it closed. So the straw should be trapped on the chain. This will prevent the chain from tangling.

I also recommend putting any valuables with you. It lessens the risk of theft or loss.

• Put CDs in a CD sleeve case. 

Just like with the DVDs, it’ll take up less room when the movers come.

• Put videogames in a binder.

If you’re like us, and you have a ton of videogames, the cases take up a lot of room. Simply put the disks in a CD binder and keep the booklets or even scan them onto the computer.

• Use up food in your fridge, freezer and pantry.

There’s no sense in wasting the money you put into the food, especially if you can’t take it with you. So a few months out, use up whatever food you have.

• Don’t wait until the last minute! 

Waiting until the last minute to start the moving process will just make the stress that much greater.

• Breathe.

Moving is stressful, but it doesn’t take long. You’ll be on your way to new adventures soon!

 

 

 

10 Things Only A Military Wife Would Understand

1.) Keep your family and friends close, no matter how many miles are between you. 

Being a military wife, you will face many obstacles that could be difficult to handle on your own. Obstacles such as deployment, can leave you feeling alone. This is where your friends and family come in. They will be there for those late night calls, when you can’t stand sleeping alone anymore and the world feels like it’s crashing down on you. Your friends will help the time pass more quickly, by keeping you busy with girls’ nights and lots of laughs!

2.) Sleeping with the ringer on high and your phone laying next to you. 

You’ve taught yourself that your phone’s ringer must ALWAYS be on high while your husband is deployed. If you turn your phone on vibrate for a second, that will be the second he calls and you don’t hear it. A missed call can crush the mood of your entire day. Especially when those calls are few.

3.) Always write addresses in pencil.

You’ll make friends at each base you go to. You’ll want to keep in touch with those closest to you. But you know that they will move multiple times, just as you will.

4.) There are no goodbyes, only see you laters. 

The Army may move you and your family away from those that you’ve grown close to but that doesn’t mean that you’ll never see them again. Often times families can be restationed together later on down the road. You’ve learned that even if you aren’t stationed together, you and your friends will stay in touch and many times you’ll arrange to see each other. You can meet in the middle or take turns going to each other’s house.

5.) It’s okay to cry.

You’ve been told your entire life that crying is a sign of weakness. That IS NOT true. Sometimes the stress of military life, or life in general, can be too much. Crying is a release. You’ve learned that it makes you feel better. Holding it in only leaves you hurting more.

6.) Homecomings are the happiest days of your life.

You’ve both survived the deployment. You’ve experienced the tears, pain and loneliness that accompanies the time apart. Your husband has finally made it home, safe and sound. The first kiss at homecoming is magical, just like the first kiss you two ever shared. Now you finally get to walk away, holding the hand of your husband. No more nights alone. No more skype calls. You get to  be together again.

7.) You’ve learned to pack your entire house on short notice. 

Your husband has just now gotten his orders and it’s time to PCS. You’ve learned through your many moves how to pack quickly, where to get free boxes and just what all you can take with you and what you need to sell.

8.) Having to explain the many acronyms of the military to your non-military affiliated friends and family.

While talking to your friends and family about your life, you have to explain what PCS, MOS and NTC. You bring them up, forgetting that your friends don’t know what they mean. You’ve gotten so used to talking to the other spouses around base and your husband, that you forget not everyone knows what the acronyms means. 

9.) The pain of going through the gate to get on base. 

You know the pain of the long lines of cars that are waiting to make it through  the main gate. The line that gets held up by those without military IDs trying to get on base and being turned around to get a visitors pass. Or new people to post asking for directions to the PX or Commissary.

10.) You never ever shop at the Commissary on payday. 

The amount of people who shop at the commissary on payday is outrageous. The lines are ridiculous and trying to maneuver down the aisles is almost impossible.

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Your Deployed Spouse

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, you’re trying to figure out just what to send your spouse who’s deployed. You want to send something meaningful and unique, but you’re not sure what. So I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorites!

My Heart Will Guide You Compass 

This is a perfect reminded for your loved one that you will always be at home waiting for him or her to return!

Click here to order.

Love Playlist Letter

Compile a playlist of your favorite love songs. Pick out songs that remind you of things you’ve done together or just songs that make you think of your spouse. Be sure to write down and send the reasons you chose each song. After all, music is the soundtrack of our lives.

Send A Kiss

This is something that is simple and sweet. You put on lipstick and kiss an index card. On the back, write a cute little love note to your spouse and laminate it. Now he can carry it everywhere he goes!

Photo Blanket 

You can put any pictures you choose on a blanket. Many stores will make them for you, such as walmart. Your spouse can cuddle with you every time he or she lays down.

Cake In A Jar

There are so many recipes out there for this. If you search on pinterest, you’ll find a ton. Make it red, pink and white and decorate the jar with hearts and this will be a perfect snack for your loved one.

I hope I was able to give you some unique gift ideas for your SO. Have a lovely day!

Advice for New Military Spouses

‘ve been asked by many people what advice I’d give to a new military spouse. So I decided I’d make a new post just to answer that question!

Make the best of every duty station

Being married to someone in the military brings a lot of opportunities to travel. As an army wife, I’ve had to live in some less than desirable places. I’ve always made the best of it. Travel around the area and see the local sites: visit museums, state parks, and local restaurants. Remember that chances are you’ll never return there.

Don’t compare your duty station to the last one

A great assignment is a blessing but can also cause problems later on if you allow it to. If you leave an amazing duty station for a not so amazing one, don’t allow it to ruin your experiences in your new town.

Don’t get your hopes up for your next duty station

No one duty station is ever guaranteed. If you set your hopes too high and you don’t get the station you wanted, you’ll be very let down which can lead to you being miserable.

Remember your spouse is in the military- not a civilian.

So many times wives get upset that their husbands work late. Your spouse is in the military. They’ll work crazy hours, they’ll go into the field for weeks at a time, and they’ll deploy- often times missing holidays, births of their children and important family events.

Often times when you get comfortable in your new home, it’s time to move again. It can be hard to get used to, but it’s part of the lifestyle.

Don’t believe in the “Dependa” and other stereotypes

Believing in such stereotypes will keep you from befriending those who you don’t see as an equal. If you like sporting your favorite “Army Wife” hoodie, then do so. Don’t care what other people say or think.

These are just a few bits of advice that I would give a new military spouse. I hope this helped!

Care Package Ideas

Here’s a list of my favorite carepackages that you can send to someone deployed. They’re fun and creative! Keep in mind when it’s time for someone to return home from deployment, they can’t bring a lot of items back.

1.) Life back home. 

This package is a great way to remind the deployed person back home. You can decorate the box with pictures of your kids doing daily activities like brushing their teeth, watching tv, getting ready for bed. You can include a plastic bag filled with lawn clippings (you’d be surprised how much they miss the smell of grass), one of your child’s shirts, pressed flowers, dryer sheets to make their room smell fresh (I’d recommend putting the box in a ziplock bag, the smell can be overwhelming), a pillow case with your perfume on it (you CANNOT send bottles of perfume in the mail).

2.) Hang In There

In case you can’t guess by the title, this is a monkey themed package! Decorate the box with monkeys and bananas. Include a monkey stuffed animal, banana chips, banana flavored candies, banana bread in a jar, monkeys in a barrel, a deck of monkey card, and any other monkey themed item you wish to include.

3.) Birthday Party! 

Is your deployed person’s birthday coming up? Make a birthday themed package! Include confetti, confetti poppers, balloons that they can blow up, party hats, noise makers, cake in a jar, pictures, a birthday card, a disposable camera so they can take pictures of their “party,” party favors, and a gift for them.

4.) Superhero

Make a superhero themed package. Include comics, superhero movies, little figurines, superhero cups and napkins, snacks, superhero coloring pages.

5.)  Disney 

This was my husband’s favorite. Include Disney movies, Disney soundtrack CD’s, Disney stickers, small Disney stuffed animals, Disney figurines, Disney fruit snacks, microwave popcorn, candy.

6.) Movie Night

You can decorate it with movie reels and ticket stubs. Include DVDs, microwave popcorn, candy (be careful with chocolate, it could melt. If you send it, put the chocolate in a plastic ziplock baggie.), drink mixes, snack crackers, fruit snacks, popcorn seasoning.

7.) Season Pass 

Send a baseball cap with his favorite team, recordings of the games he’s missed, baseball cards, peanuts, a mini baseball bat, mini basketball and hoop set (the ones the hook on the door), chips, snack foods.

8.) Sand Storm Survival Kit

Include: eye drops, Q tips, lotion, chapstick, baby wipes, nasal spray, instant coffee, clean socks, lens cloths, clean sheets, dryer sheets, foot powder, foot soaks, large ziplock bags for foot soak, nail clippers, boot inserts

9.) Deployment Food Survival Kit

Napkins, plastic silverware, salt and pepper packets, ketchup and mustard packets, seasonings, BBQ sauce, ranch, small plastic bowls, mayo packets.

10.) Hygiene In A Box

Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, deodorant, aftershave, toilet paper, shaving cream, razor refills, shower shoes, towels, wash cloth. Put the liquids in plastic bags in case they leak.

11.) Correspondence Box 

Envelopes, pens, paper, disposable camera, address book (filled out already), stickers, markers, colored pencils.

12.) Makes Me Feel Like A Kid Again

Coloring books, colored pencils, cards, small games, play dough, action figures, squirt guns, nerf guns and extra darts, little toys, silly putty.

13.) It’s A Boy/Girl! 

Decorate it with pink/blue, gender reveal card, candy pacifiers, candy cigars, stuffed animal, baby wipes, sour patch kids, sugar babies, cheerios, pink/blue drink mix.

14.) Easter 

Fill it with candy, little Easter toys. When I sent this to my husband, I decorated it with Easter stickers and filled it with Easter grass. Fill plastic eggs with little gifts and hide them in the grass.

15.) Thanksgiving in a box

Decorate with fall colors and turkey. Fill with canned turkey, instant mashed potatoes, instant stuffing, canned corn, canned green beans, gravy in a jar, apple or pumpkin pie, cookies, microwave rice, Apple Cider mix, turkey jerky, homemade bread and candy corn. You can create a “why we’re thankful for you” book. Include a video of everyone wishing him/her a happy Thanksgiving, your children’s hand turkeys.

16.)  Christmas 

Christmas lights, Santa hat, stuffed reindeer, non glass cinnamon scented candles (they can’t burn it but they can still enjoy the smell), fake snow, a small fake tree with little ornaments, small wrapped Christmas gifts, Christmas cards addressed to his or her family for him or her to write in, jingle bells, Christmas CD’s, Christmas DVD’s, Cookies, candy canes, hot cocoa or cider mix.

17.) Fourth Of July Package

Uncle Sam hat, small US flags, confetti poppers, USA shirt, glow sticks, Red, White, Blue Twizzlers, portable fan and batteries, patriotic card, video of fireworks, red, white, blue rice crispie treats, patriotic plastic necklaces, wet wipes, cracker jacks, patriotic trinkets.

18.) Valentine’s Day Package

Sweetheart candies, heart shaped cookies, a stuffed animal, pictures of you both together, Valentine’s cards from your children, Valentine’s card from you, little heart containers filled with little candies, Valentine’s trinket toys, cake in a jar, 52 reasons why I Love You, Jar of Hershey’s Hugs and Kisses.

Respect. It’s Mutual

A military relationship is a special type of relationship. It’s one of those things where you don’t completely understand unless you’ve been there. We experience things that most people would never experience in their lifetime.

Many times, those who are in military relationships tend to befriend others who are also in military relationships. It helps us to feel like we aren’t alone and that there’s someone who actually understand the obstacles that we encounter on a daily basis.

But now there are so many people out there who put down women (or men) who are in these relationships, or “MilSOs.” There are military wives who look down on military girlfriends. My question is why? What makes the wives so different than the girlfriends? Don’t we both face the reality of deployment and training? Don’t we both experience the same things?

Then there’s the whole “dependa” or military spouse bashing that is occurring. I don’t understand why it’s a bad thing for a wife to take pride in the fact that her husband is in the military. It should be seen as a good thing that she’s supportive of his career choice.

We shouldn’t be tearing each other down. We should be supporting one another. Sometimes, we only have each other to turn to through the difficult things that we face.

6 Things Strong Military Couples Do

Military relationships take a special type of person. I often get asked how to survive being married to someone in the military. So here are some things that a strong couple does within their relationship.

1.) Understand the Contract 

Your spouse signed a contract to serve in the military. This means that “the mission comes first.” Your spouse can be called away at any moment and you just have to accept it.`A strong military couple has to be able to adjust to whatever situation the military may throw their way. You must learn to adapt and overcome the fact that sometimes the military will take priority over your personal life.

2.) Trust and Faithfulness 

For any relationship this is very very important. There are so many negative stereotypes that accompany military marriages. Time apart is a common thing in military relationships. This can lead to loneliness. Keep true to your spouse. Don’t give him or her a reason not to trust you.  Also, strong couples don’t go through each other’s phones. Once you start digging through each other’s phones, all trust goes out the window. The military will put distance between you, so it’s important you maintain that trust.

3.) Enjoy Other Interests.

Strong couples know that it’s okay to have their own interests. You don’t have to do everything together. Let him go out with the guys and you can hang out with the girls.

4.) Don’t Become a Social Media Couple. 

We’ve all seen it. Those couples who have to constantly post about their relationship on Facebook. It’s almost like we know what is going on in their lives 24/7. If you have to constantly live on social media telling the world how much you “love” your SO, you probably aren’t maturer enough to even be in a real relationship.

5.) Know When to Leave the Military Life at the Door

It’s normal for the military life to spill over into your everyday life. But a strong military couple knows that their life isn’t ALL ABOUT the military. They know when it’s time to leave the boots and uniform at the door and talk about things that matter in their lives.

6.) Don’t Compare Your Relationship to Other People’s Relationships.

If you start comparing relationships, there will always be a winner or loser. A strong military couple doesn’t focus of the relationships of others. They focus on their own and how to make it stronger.